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  • #2394
    linda39
    Participant

    I’ve not posted for quite a while. I do read posts/topics every week. Anyway here goes: things have been going really well with myself and GC. He hasn’t gambled for such a long time. He’s given me access to his banks and credit card accounts . We have had a fab xmas. My GC even asked me to marry him producing a gorgeous diamond ring. He bought it using his credit card. He promised me that he hadn’t gambled to buy the ring. I checked his accounts etc anyway he hadn’t . Our computer. lead had broken so we’ve ordered a new one. In the. mean time we are using a really old laptop. I went. on it tonight. to check something and on the history came up live casino, me been me confronted him about it and he told me that he had been on it. I feel so let down and now don’t know what to do about my engagement to him. I feel so deflated after feeling so happy. He wanted to get married in 2013 but I can’t even think about it now. Im back at wk tomorrow and people know already that I got a ring so they will be taking about it and when am I getting married etc. I don’t. want to talk about it. I might not even wear my ring for wk tomorrow.

    #2395
    velvet
    Moderator

     
    Hi Linda
    I thought about you the other day and hoped that your silence meant you were ok.
    I am glad that you knew that you could come back here and talk when your head must be reeling with confusion.
    I cannot tell you what to do and that is not a cop out – we all have to do what is right for ourselves. We should never make decisions, in my opinion, when we are unsure, frightened and confused as you obviously are at present.
    As far as I can remember, your CG has never sought help for his addiction and I have still never heard of a CG who has turned his life around completely without the right support from those who understand. 
    Have a set answer ready for people who ask questions at work. Simply say what you have said in your post ‘I don’t want to talk about it at the moment’. It would have to be a very thick skinned person who pushed you for more information. If it was me I wouldn’t wear the ring because I think it will cause you pain to show it – the shine has been taken off it.  Gossip is a seven day wonder and those who judge are not worth worrying about.   It is only ‘you’ that matters.
    You need time Linda – time for yourself time to adjust and know what you want to do. You have been on the site long enough to know that this is a terrible addiction. You know that your CG will try and convince you that he can handle his addiction – it is down to you whether you accept it or not.
    Look after yourself. We will talk soon I am sure
    Velvet
     

    #2396
    jenny46
    Participant

    Hi Linda
    Not sure to say its good to hear from you or not !!! It is, but I guess it would be better in nicer circumstances if you know what I am trying to say. Perhaps as you say now is not the right time to plan too far ahead whilst confusion is back and emotions are running amock.
    Another answer to the question is – that you have not set a date yet . For the short term Linda remember the importance of looking after you. Hopefully he may realise the importance of getting some proper support in order to manage to sustain a recovery.
    I am learning more and more Linda that the best chance of a good relaitionship starts with both people having a longer time in recovery before making big commitments and the importance of support through these processes, the bit I struggle with is applying that to myself!!! when affairs of the heart start to take over my knowledge seems to go a bit out of the window !!! but that knowledge is there Linda and at ***** like this take a momment to reflect on all you have learned and allow it to carry you through a difficult and disheartening time xx
     

    #2397
    twilight16
    Participant

    Hi Linda, I also have been wondering how you were doing. Don’t want to burst your bubble about the engagement but as long as your cg gambles this will happen over and over again. Your cg hasn’t had the proper support/treatment for his gambling addiction. Cg live in a vicious cycle with their gambling. They stop when something bad happens to them and they promise to whomever has been enabling them they will stop gambling, but their promises are short lived and they gamble agin thinking they can control it. If I were you I would go back and read all your past posts. How long have you been struggling with your cg’s gambling. See the pattern reliving again and again. Your cg has had more slips than you care to remember. It is important to learn from the past because if we don’t how do we expect any changes in our life. Live is blind. We overlook what is important to us. We give excuses when we shouldn’t. Again you only can make your own decision knowing that it will effect our lives. Don’t marry him. You would be setting yourself for more pain and disappointment. If you do just know you are marrying his gambling too.
    All the best, Twilight

    #2398
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Linda
    How did your day go?
    Hope to see you in a group soon
    Velvet

    #2399
    linda39
    Participant

    My day went ok. I didn’t wear my ring and to be honest no one asked ne either, but I was really busy as it was our 1st day back after 2 weeks off!!!
    I know what you mean twilight it is a circle. I have told him that we won’t get married in 2013 as he wanted too. I have not really seen him since Tuesday night when the gambling happened. At the moment I can’t really bring myself to talk to him.
    Im feeling so mixed up emotionally probably more than ever before.

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