Gambling Therapy logo

Does it ever work out? Is there hope?

Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Does it ever work out? Is there hope?

Viewing 1 post (of 1 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #2315
    mnmzz
    Participant

    I have been reading and reading tonight, all over the internet. I have cried so much I can barely breathe. I am new at this, reaching out, not new at loving a gambler. I have met a counselor twice and in the first session could not believe my answer when I said I had been dealing with this for 10 years! I don’t recognize the person I have become. I have been married 6+ years, and we have 3 babies, a 5 year old, a 4 year old, and a 2 year old. I am a stay at home mom and I homeschool our oldest. We have 1 car which my husband uses for work and is usually gone 2-3 days at a time, with no consistent hours or schedule. I asked him to go to counseling and he wont, says he can do it on his own. I know that is not true. I have no idea what I would doas a single mom to 3 little ones. I haven’t workedin 6+ years and the last thing I did was waitress and I was a preschool teacher. The thought of leaving my babies in day care breaks my heart. I read something that what I am going through is similar to grieving, and while my husband isn’t dead, I lose another piece of him every day. I can go most days, and just get through, live life, try to enjoy my family, but some days it takes everything in me not to just curl up and cry the day away. I am in a dark fog about the marriage I will never have, the home we will never own, and the inevitable broken home my children are going to grow up in. I did this to them. No, I’m not the gambler, but I enabled in the beginning and I have stayed in the end. I knew before I got married, before I had baby number 1,2,and 3 what my husband was yet I did nothing. And now I don’t know what to do. I have always said until it affects the kids and they realize, that then I will leave. I have said he needs to seek help before that point. But honestly it already affects the kids. So do I leave? I don’t want to. I believe in my vows. I love my husband. How do I stay though. I don’t trust him. I constantly am checking our bank accounts. Our relationship can not go forward or grow. Can I live like this until…until what, the kids are in school and I can work so then I can leave him. Some days, when I stop to breathe, I look around the house and I don’t even realize but I am making a list of what I would need to take with me if I moved out. Could the kids and I live in a 1 bedroom? Would they even rent a 1 bedroom to a family of 4?  And how much longer can I stay? Yeah there are good days, even really great days, and then it’s like I hit a wall and we are right back to where we have always been. I’m beginning to understand the level of manipulation he uses in our relationship. Can’t I just be happy for the kids, you used to be fun, you’re ruining the day because you mad I took an hour to myself and spentX amount of money, this time. I would love to go to gam-anon meetings but that’s almost impossible. I make counseling appointments and constantly have to reschedule due to no car, no child care. I just need some hope. Thanks for reading this.

Viewing 1 post (of 1 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.