24 April 2011 at 1:28 am #2583ClarityKeymaster
Velvet at times when I have been strong in my recovery I have started to become quite a fan of yours. I just wanted to say that your replies on Defeated’s thread have made more of an impact on me than any thing I have ever read on GT, and I have read some very beneficial and recovery boosting theraputic posts. I know that maybe some F+F contributers may be uncomfortable with the cg’s reading however I can assure you that it really does help a lot of us that are serious about our recoveries. You have a fantastic understanding of this thing, and describe everything with such clarity. You have a genuine talent.
I do not always agree 100% with you however the likelyhood is on such occasions that you are right. There are lots of times previously that your posts have gave me real food for thought, but tonights posts especially have helped strenghtening my commitment to a gambling free life. I KNOW that I am changing in the right direction you have helped re-enforce that to me.
To be honest one change that is evident to me is that this is the first time I have ever used the term "CG" in any post ever, I must be honest up until a few weeks ago I found it insulting when people would say, "my cg this" or my "cg that", I couldnt believe other cg’s used it as much as F+F. To me in hindsight it was very immature of me really, I used to think "If this were a forum for people with one leg shorter than the other, would I be referred to as my cripple?" I’m sorry that is what I thought. I recognise how wrong I was to think that I mean I use "F+F" very frequently, so whats the difference? I would be grateful if we didnt strike a conversation about this point I am only mentioning it as I think it is a great indication to me that my head is becomming a lot more clearer these days. It shows me that I was still living with a lot of denial and distorted thinking, clear signs that the addiction was still lurking and ready to pounce. I think the circumstances prior to me going to GH in 2009 coupled with my addiction had gotten me beleiving I was really ready for recovery, I think now that prehaps I was not quite ready and I was clinging on to it it the tiniest of ways. I believe I am ready now though, infact I know, I am living it.
I havnt felt its presence or seen signs of it recently and none of my support network have voiced cause for concern.
One last point Velvet, I spoke to my daughter today and have told her about GT, she was with her Mum when I seen her and they were telling me how upset she had been again at christmas. Thanks to this forum I think I was able to give her good advice. However I know she will get much better support on here, or at least a different kind of support. I half regret telling her though because I wouldnt want her to read my posts, I know first hand how destructive this can be for all concerned. I will try and explain the importance of this, but she is similar to me and I fear until she really has a good understanding of this, her curiosity will get the better of her. She would quickly realise who I was by my username, much like I did with my ex partner.
Also I honestly beleive at this moment in time I would never under any circumstances read anything she posted, however I know if I ever openned the door to let my addiction in again my views on this could quite quickly change. Another reason to keep my gaurd up.I really hate having this bloody awful addiction. Any advice concerning this with my daughter would be very welcome indeed. I am leaving this laptop and dongle with her so when or if she signs up the i.p adress will be the same as this one, just incase you think it is me masquerading as her for some reason.
Thank you for what you do on here Velvet. And what an excellent version of the serenity prayer
If I can change anybody can change.
— 24/04/2011 01:33:59: post edited by geordie18.– 24/04/2011 02:04:10: post edited by geordie18.
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