7 October 2010 at 8:06 pm #2678lostwithnowheretoturnParticipant
I came across this website and I have read alot of topics and posts and feel like there are so many similarities when it comes to dealing with a loved ones addictions. There is alot of great advice on here but I feel as if I have done it all & it has gotten me nowhere 🙁 I plead for my husband to stop his gambling but all it gets me is broken promises and the same ole bs lies! I have heard it all from I am sorry, I will never do it again, I know I f’d up again, I didn’t mean to & I don’t want to lose u and the girls. Well the whole I don’t want to lose u and the girls is the one that really gets my blood boiling, how can someone who makes the choice to gamble knowing fully what is at stake use those words!!!??!!! I know I am stupid with threatening to leave and never as much as stepping one foot out the door but I just think maybe it will scare him and he will realize what he is doing will cost him his family. I beat myself up everyday for having brought 4 amazing girls into this mess 🙁 I love them with my whole heart and never wish my life to exsist withouth them so please understand where that is coming from, it just tears me up inside to see him constantly taking away from thier future while I sit and allow it to go on. We have no savings, we are far from home and still renting. I feel miserable like I am living everyday like this is how it should be and I have learned to somehow except it, what the hell is wrong with me! I have gone to his mom with this problem hoping she can help me out somehow but her health lately isn’t the best and I feel that I now have no-one to confide is as I am too worried to cause her heartache and harm. I know I enable his addiction because I have done things like give him an allowance to use for gambling thinking I could somehow control it but it is never enough. I have takin away his credit card after finding out he used it for prolines and online poker only to give it back because I fell for his lies and thought I could trust him. It seems everything I have done up to this point has come back and bit me in my butt. If I were to add up everything I know about money wise with his gambling I believe we are around the 60 000 dollar range in 9 years!!!!!! but is prob much more I just can’t keep track of it all. We struggle living paycheck to paycheck, I don’t work I am a stay at home mom & I am starting to feel like he is going to take that away from me soon because we are going need the extra cash to make ends meet. He has a great job that pays very well but it always seems as if the money goes faster then I can count it. I have lost all trust when it comes to him and I am not sure what more I can do or what more I will put up with. I am so worried about my girls coming from a broken home but I am even more scared he is going to hurt them terribly with the stupid choices he is making. I have poured my heart out to him begging for him to trust me and love me enough to come to me when he is in trouble and his addiction is beginning to take over again but he won’t! He tells me he will but he never has and he only admits to it when he knows I have caught him red handed, I know I never get the full truth however and it really breaks my heart to think the man I love and plan on spending my forever with could care less about me and my feelings. I feel as if there is so much more to vent about but I will leave it at that and hopefully some1 can reach out to me and help me with this somehow, I feel as if I am at a breaking point and I can’t let myself go there because my children need me SO PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
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