28 September 2011 at 2:17 pm #2436ClarityKeymaster
I apologise I am not used to expressing or telling my story so if it is nonsense and I ramble I’m sorry!
At the start I found my perfect partner. We got married after 2 years of meeting and fell pregnant almost immediately after the wedding.
At the beginning of my pregnancy my husband’s granddad passed away and left a lot of money to him. During the last few months of pregnancy and almost the first year of our Childs life I had suspicions that my husband was having an affair. Our sex life which previously was great was getting to nonexistent, so I started to check his phone and ask him regularly if he was having an affair. We went to couples counselling to talk about it and issues but I left those sessions feeling like it was all in my head!
When the baby arrived we started to plan to buy our family home, these conversations were mainly led by me but he joined in and we went house hunting together. He saw a house that he liked (which happened to be a friend’s house) so he instigated conversation about buying it. When it was getting closer to sorting it all out, I came home from work to find husband lying in bed with a very sorry look on his face. He then told me that he had gambled all the money away and therefore we did not have our deposit and could not buy the house.
One part of me was relieved as he wasn’t having an affair but the other was and still is so angry and hurt by all the mistrust, building my hopes up for our dream house all of the lies etc. I had to tell the friends of mine that we could no longer afford the house because of what he had done. I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me, he answered no.
I didn’t throw him out, I cancelled our joint bank accounts, filed for to make sure that we were not linked financially and took his bank cards from him. I sorted out for him to go to GA and to counselling once a week and if he didn’t he wasn’t welcome to stay.
Trying to remain positive and treating it as a problem solving exercise (I guess) I did figures and we started to look for another house based on our wages etc. Then the financial advisor asked some questions about my husband’s mortgage. It then turned out that he was in arrears on his mortgage and would not be able to get another one. He also had a £500 loan I was unaware of. I asked his brother if we could borrow some money and pay it back over time in instalments BUT he then told me my husband had borrowed the best part of 10k from him.
Eventually I managed to buy a house just in my name from selling my previous property, we live here together but it feels like it is just living together, I can honestly say that my respect for him has plummeted to say the least, trust is still an issue and I really struggle with the questions ‘how could he do this to me?" and "how could he do this to our baby?" we could have had a very different life!
the justification side of me thinks that although he was the one desperate to have babies I don’t think he fully understood the responsibility or pressures it comes with and perhaps in his mind he was trying to turn the money into more money fast to support the family which was descending on him so quickly.
To be honest the inheritance, although it would have made our lives very different it was never mine to miss however it is all the lies and the money I have had to forsake that twists me up inside.
that which doesn’t break us will make us stronger!
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