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My Husband Is A CG and I Have No Choice But To Leave Him

Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family My Husband Is A CG and I Have No Choice But To Leave Him

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  • #2002
    mzr123
    Participant

    I’ve been married for 11 years and have 3 beautiful children. My husband is a CG and I have tried everything to try and get him to stop. It has come to the stage where I have no more strength to fight and see no future. After an argument tonight my husband has said that he will be leaving tomorrow and I dont know if this is what I want. I love my husband and besides his CG and lies he is a great man. I feel as though I have no choice but to let him walk away as I cant cope with his CG.
    I have no idea how I am going to explain his absence to my kids or how I’m going to cope. Is separation the only option I have?! He owes people a lot of money as he has exhausted our finances and started to borrow off people. I really dont know what to do!

    #2003
    monique
    Participant

    Dear mzr123. Welcome here. It is good you have reached out for help. You have been and will be heard and supported. It is often good to do nothing when you are unsure about the best course of action. It may sound counter-intuitive for you as you have struggled to get your husband to stop gambling for so long and that seems the primary goal of your life, but I suggest that the important thing now is to look after YOU. It is not surprising that you feel that you have no more strength, but I would encourage you to start believing that you do have a future. I cannot describe it, but it can be better than the past. If your husband leaves, that will be his choice. It does not have to be a final move. But if you start rebuilding yourself, any further decisions will eventually make themselves a bit more clear for you. Perhaps contact the Live Advice Helpline also. There is much support and guidance for partners and other family members. My very best wishes. Monique.xxKeep hope alive.

    #2004
    Dunc
    Keymaster

     
    Hi MZR123, a warm welcome to the Gambling Therapy Friends and Family forum.
    Having found us you have also found a diverse community of other friends and family members who can support you on your recovery journey.
    Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in the issues that you describe.
    Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer… It’s all free
    To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or click here to see the weekly group schedule. Please feel free to use the Friends and Family and also the community Groups.
    At present we have 3 dedicated groups for friends & family members. These are at:
    Tuesday 20:00 > 21:00 Uk
    Wednesday 11:00 > 12:00 Uk
    Thursday 21:00 > 22:00 UK
    Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.  
    For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when the Advise line is open
    Take Care
    Harry

    #2005
    leaving
    Participant

    Hi Mzr123,
    Just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain! I have been married 12 years and have 3 children also. I first came to this forum some 3 years ago when I discovered the extent of my CG’s gambling. It was a dreadful shock, but the irony of it was that I was the one made to feel guilty and confused! Your CG’s threats to leave are probably just that… threats! Cleverly devised to make you feel that YOU are the one in the wrong. My CG constantly threatened to leave, I tiptoed around for years enabling his behaviour… feeling I couldn’t even talk to him as I hated getting my head bitten off. I became a "watchdog", secretly going through his statements, checking his frequented websites on the laptop, checking the local pub carparks for his car, going through his glove box, looking for MORE proof that I wasn’t wrong, that he was gambling. As my snooping escalated, his secrecy worsened (which in hindsight, I think he thoroughly enjoyed). He got a storage unit with swipe cards and double locks that I was not permitted to go into. He started locking the glove box in his car which was an immediate warning bell for me. I would sneak his carkeys in the middle of the night and check it. Sure enough, I discovered daily expenditures of $40- $90 just on lottery tickets. This time, I organised a family intervention with the children present. They witnessed first hand his denial, even though I had the lottery tickets in my hand! I gave him handbooks from local gambling organisations. He refused to read them, I diligently took them out of the rubbish every day and put them back on the coffee table. They were never read. My point is, unless your CG acknowledges the problem, and gets help, it will be very difficult to trust him again. I left a month ago. I have left in the past too and gone back when he told me he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. But his "remorse" was always shortlived. Last night, I discovered that my CG is now using on-line casinos. He has no money, but still he gambles.  I felt anger that his love of gambling exceeded his love for me. I wondered why I ignored the early warning signs. I see now that I have to let him be. I can’t change him, just as you can’t change yours. I feel deep sorrow, I wonder if ***** ever realise that he really is condemning himself to a lifetime of loneliness and despair. I guess there must be eternal optimism in all of us, but I feel my little spark of hope has been well and truly snuffed out. It’s time for me to heal now. I hope you too can heal, but like me, you may need to do it without your CG.  All best to you x

    #2006
    velvet
    Moderator

     
    Hi Leaving
    I don’t think that Mzr is still with us but if she is I apologize to her for high jacking her thread and hope that she will update again soon.
    I cannot find you in any of my records, Leaving, so I assume you have changed your username. 
    I am sorry that when you were here before it wasn’t possible to help you understand more about the addiction to gamble which would hopefully have helped you cope better.   There are different outcomes for different members but they are all known on his forum.   I know about 3-4 years ago we had a member from New Zealand who did leave her CG husband but her posts were full of positivity and she would gladly have supported you.   One ghost you can lay to rest is the thought that your husband ‘enjoyed’ you playing detective – his addiction does not work like that – his enjoyment would not be to see you suffer. 
    Please start a thread of your own so that we can support you now. Moving out of the shadow of the addiction to gamble is often painful but we diminish our lives, in my opinion, if we allow it to affect our future as it has our past.I don’t believe the spark of hope has gone out completely – you have three children who need that spark fanned until it bursts into flame – they need you to be strong for them.   Understanding the addiction to gamble gives us strength and helps us cope. 
    Don’t wonder why you did or did not do something – ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’ hold you back. It is what you do now that ******.
    I like seeing old members return and I am disappointed that you have not seemed to benefit from your time with us.   Your husband will benefit from your healing.
    If you don’t want to start a thread, I will wish you and your children well. 
    Velvet  
      Velvet

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