27 August 2010 at 5:01 am #2703julygirlParticipant
Hello old friends…
it has been a while since last time i posted or read anything in here… but today I have decided i should visit and let my old friends who once supported me through my despair in understanding my ex CG know a little bit more about my experiences with him.
its been like what???.. 2 years maybe since last time i was here???
In that time I have moved on from my nightmare with my ex CG… i have seen him, talked to him in some occasions but all was the same, and not interest from me to go back with him at all… but still remained in me lots of questions and i was seeking answers to find out for my own sake… who was really the person i was with…
there were through all of our relationships… gaps, and dots that couldnt meet the puzzle… always questioning why this or why that…. yes i was sure it was his compulsive gamgling what made him to lie so much to me, and his dissapearances from time to time… i always thought it was him being at a casino gambling or staying in his home gambling on his computer… yes those times were just that…. but there were times where i could not figured out lots of things that didnt make sense with gambling or any other issues….
It took me a while to realized and read the signs i didnt want to read back then… friends….. HE IS GAY, AND HE WAS ALL HIS LIFE…. YES… now i can see clearly.. his interstate trips staying at his "best friends" house.. another gambler like him… the phone calls with him, they constantly calling each other… and my ex making me believe they were just friends… well… they were more than that……. times were one plus one wasnt two…. now i put all the pieces together and all match up perfectly…
Im not going to go into details here of how i finally come to realize this… just say I know and I have finally found out the answers that were missing all this time…
Im ok… just a bit angry at myself for not wanting to see those signs before and when some friends even pointed out to me and all i did was to deny the truth…
he is still single of course… but he still pursuing women out there… what for?? i really dont know that one yet… I guess it is the fact that he himself doesnt want to admit it yet, and he lives a lie… all his life is a lie… to everybody and himself… he likes to pretend he is straight i guess… so he continues lieing not just to women he meets by to himself as well….
Ok.. that was it from me… i was on this site once when desperate looking for answers and found out a lot here , this site helped me to understand the side of my ex.. compulsive gambling… i guess now i should go to visit sites of support for women finding out his partner is gay… but im not going to do that… simple because im over it… I wanted answers and i got them now… from here to eternity…. he is forgotten and forgiven… but I do feel sorry for him more than ever before… he has lots to deal with… his gambling, lies, and his sexuality that im hoping one day at least he will learn to accept and stop deceiving women … if he could do that would be one less chaos in his miserable life.
As for me… Im happier than I was before i met him
Hope everyone here are doing well and happy too… i havent had time to read posts or look for those of my old friends that once posted at the same time i was here.
Hugs to everyone…….
Julygirl…27 August 2010 at 8:07 am #2704velvetModerator
And welcome back xx
Compulsive gambling is an escape from life – a reaction to life. Compulsive gamblers often hate themselves. and I have read books by *** men saying the same.
Your ex doesn’t want to see himself as ***. He doesn’t want to be a CG. I have heard the two often linked. He wants to be what society has decreed is normal!! I hope that one day he will find the person he really is and learn to love him.
I am glad that you ‘know’ for your sake and that you can move on. All the things you leant last time you were here can apply to both being *** in a world that calls ‘straight’ people normal, and compulsive gambling. It is because our world is so judgemental.
I think my reminder to myself today is not to be judgemental. It is easy to fall into but the good outcome from living with the addiction to gamble is, I believe, the ability to think more about our fellow human beings and not be so quick to judge.
I wish you well and I am glad that you came back to tell us your outcome which is positive and good for you.
29 August 2010 at 10:00 pm #2705lilyParticipant
Hi Julygirl, I am glad that you have moved on with your life and that you are happy. I think being with a CG teaches a lot to the non gambling partner and, although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it can lead ultimately to a better relationship with yourself even if the relationship with the CG doesn’t work out. CG’s gamble for a multitude of different reasons, often an escape from things they can’t look at, this is why I believe dealing with the root cause can and not just the actual gambling is so important.
I have heard of sexuality issues playing a part for some CG’s but anything that is hard for a person to look at or except can drive some people to try to escape into one addiction or another I think. It is a shame in this day and age that homosexuality is still considered something to be ashamed of in some circles. If it was just excepted generally by society as a whole perhaps it would be easier for individuals to except it in themselves. I am guessing this is something that your ex has not looked at himself and buries deep inside so he may not even be aware of it himself.
Whatever the reason behind your ex’s gambling it is not your fault or responsibility and his issues do not reflect on you as a person. I hope you continue to enjoy your life and grow in your recovery. Lil x Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. (Maria Robinson)
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