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Poor me

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  • #2338
    helenphillips
    Participant

     
    I am seeking help for myself as I come to the realization that my sister’s gambling problem seems to be much worse than I thought.   I hope to talk to her in detail next week (I live three hours away) but I think she is spending much of her savings, selling jewelry, and has had to borrow money. She is single – no children, retired with a small monthly income. She has had extra money coming in and I am afraid that she is spending all of that – it could have been a cushion for her retirement. I know she is aware that she has a problem but I don’t know if the scales have tipped to the point that she thinks she HAS to do something now.   I have told her I will help her in any way I can. I know there is a right way and a wrong way to be supportive. I don’t want my support to make it easy for her to continue the path she is on. Not only do I feel burdened by my sister’s situation but my best friend also has a gambling problem and I have been dealing with her for about four years now. I am focusing on my sister at this time.
     — 26/03/2012 13:18:10: post edited by harry.

    #2339
    helenphillips
    Participant

    Nothing new yet.  My friend didn’t feel well so she didn’t get to start her thread.  I know the ladies who gave the bad advice didn’t have a clue that my friend is in the shape she is in.
    On a "taking care of me" note, I have not talked to my sister or my friend about their gambling and have just focused on the things I love like gardening and tennis.  I went shopping with my friend Sat. since she needed to buy some clothes for her great nephew who will be staying with her for 4 days next week – 4 yr. old!  Helen

    #2340
    velvet
    Moderator

     
    Hi Helen
    Forgive me if I sound too cynical.   I think it is common for a CG to feel ill instead of starting something that might lead to them facing a lot of things about themselves that they don’t want to face. In fact I can see why that would make someone feel in.
    Watch for excuses. They are understandable but we have to stand back sometimes and weigh up whether the will is there or not.  
    Hopefully it is.   Nothing will make her better than controlling her addiction though, even if she doesn’t know it.
    Velvet

    #2341
    helenphillips
    Participant

    8-11-12 DISAPPOINTMENT IS NEVER FAR AWAY
    Didn’t want to admit that I loaned my friend some money several months ago after she gambled too long (may have already told) since she tried to make it an offer I couldn’t refuse and offered 5% interest. My requirement for the loan was that she couldn’t gamble until I was paid back my $6,000 (yes stupid on my part to think she could possibly keep that promise as a gambler will say anything in a time of need). She made it several months and then I could tell it was getting harder and harder. I was out of town a few weeks ago and she finally talked some friends into going with her. She confessed to me when i got back as if her truthfulness made it ok. I decided there was no need to get mad or rant and rave since I knew I shouldn’t have loaned the money in the first place. Like you all told me, I have to take care of myself and stressing over what I couldn’t change wouldn’t have helped me at all. PS – she does pay me at least $500/mo. faithfully.
    I hope you are all doing well and helping others. Helen

    #2342
    helenphillips
    Participant

    this gambling addition is exactly what is says "addiction".  I don’t know what my sister is up to in terms of gambling or not right now.  However, my friend has done something new this time – not the first part but the second part.  She went to the casino and stayed too long and went crazy thinking if she put more money in the slot machine it would have to eventually give her all of her money back – even to the point of using her credit card(s) again.  Then she had to come home and take money out of her retirement account to put money back in her checking account.  NON OF THAT WAS NEW BEHAVIOR.  She was sooo down and swore to herself and me that there was no way she would be going back to play for a long time (usually when this happens she stays out for months until she gets back on her feet).  However, within a week she started playing again and stayed for hours but didn’t lose (as if that made it ok). 
    The fact that this is the first time she hasn’t lamented longer over her disaster really concerns me as I feel like it is like a step further up the addiction ladder.  The part that hits me hard is that the casino isn’t in the town where we live but an hour away where her sister lives and where my sister lives – the second fact being my concern.  I recently moved here partly to be closer to my sister.  My friend loves to ride with me when I go visit.  However, it is an emotional battle inside me when I want to visit my sister but I know my friend will want to go too but not to visit but to gamble.  After the recent disaster and her desire to go right back it hits me hard.  I don’t want to be an "enabler" by letting her ride with me but it would be hard to say no – I think I know the right answer here – making her have to drive her own car if she wants to gamble is my first thought of what is right.  I should not have to give up my visits to my sister’s house because my friend will do wrong.  Wow, this so sooo tough.
    I WOULD LOVE ANY FEEDBACK ON WHAT OTHERS THINK IS THE RIGHT THING FOR ME TO DO.
    Right after my friend was so low she was almost ready to start a thread on here.  I told her she really needed the support of others who could identify with what she had done and who could help her if she wanted to move forward towards recovery.  I wish I had reminded her the next day to join and start her thread as now I don’t know if she has the same desire.  i guess there is no harm in asking if she would start a thread.
    Ok, this is too long already.  Thanks for any replies.  What a downer!   Helen

    #2343
    helenphillips
    Participant

       So hard when you want a person to quit gambling because you don’t want to see them hit rock bottom to quit and you think they may have turned the corner and then you see that they still aren’t there yet.   My friend swore that she was only going to get her coupon money from the casino form now on and put it in a jar to save for bills, etc.  Then today she headed off and I could tell she had no intention of getting her money and returning without playing.   It sort of "got to me" that she called while she was playing to let me know that even though she was playing, she would not get into trouble because she was only playing 30 cents at a time – she told me she thought that would make me feel better about her being over there.  I cut her off short and said that as long as she was in the casino she would not stay out of trouble and I tried to let her know that I didn’t need to know what she was playing in the casino because as long as she was in a casino she would get in trouble – she seemed offended at my lack of interest!  Thanks for listening as I needed to get that off my chest.  I know this is a never-ending battle when you know a cg and it is frustrating!!!!!

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