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Recovery time

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    jenny247
    Participant

    Dear GT friends,
    It is just over a year since I stopped posting here, life was all a bit too hectic as my CG partner and I had just parted.
    Over the last few weeks I have been reading but couldn’t find the words to post anything myself.
    Sadly there are so many new people affected by this addiction…but this site helped me so much (in particular dear Velvet!) and it will do the same them.
    I thought I may help some people if I gave an update on my story one year on (or may depress others…sorry!). I also feel the need for support so here goes…
    After splitting up last November the split only lasted a week,I stopped posting and our lives continued as follows….
    My CG was so happy to be back living with me after sleeping in his car and at B&B’s that all was wonderful, he could really turn on the charm.
    He would never gamble again, seek help and agreed with everything I said. A fresh start and we could get on with our lives.I was happy too as he seemed to really care about ‘us’ and our future.
    After Christmas I discovered I was pregnant (he never wanted children so I was scared he would react badly) but he was delighted..it made our fresh start complete. Then 3 weeks later I lost it but we got through it and wanted to try again.
    The day I miscarried he told me he’d nearly had a ‘slip,’ had he or hadn’t he?..I will never know.
    By June he had been offered promotion with a company house so as all was well and he still wasn’t gambling (I thought so anyway) we decided to move. It meant a huge saving in our monthly outgoings and I sold my house making a small profit. The plan was to save for the future together.
    My house was sold and my debts cleared still leaving me with money in the bank. Through all this he refused to pay for anything for the new house …I should have suspected something then. He said as I had the money I should pay for things like paint and carpets.
    Well I worked like crazy to make it a home for us and my daughter, his moods were unpredictable..I should have seen the signs.
    Now he had power as it was HIS house and I felt I had to be grateful to be living there. Still I never made the connection, I was too busy perhaps, too excited to be moving house to the country nearer my own family.
    Then I fell pregnant again but this time his reaction was that of indifference. I just felt scared, his priority didn’t seem to be me.
    He told me he wanted to end our relationship and seemed under a dark cloud. Two days later I miscarried again.
    I had no evidence of his gambling ….his bank statements were still being sent to his mother’s from the first break up we had had. Then he took my laptop to get ‘fixed’ and I never saw it again….it was past mending he claimed.
    I wanted to go on holiday but he said he couldn’t afford it…not even a long weekend. So I used my savings and took my daughter to Sorrento…it was wonderful, but he took his chance once again.
    This time I knew something was wrong….and he admitted he’d spent a month’s wages while I was away, on another poker site that will take debit cards. He has no credit cards from previous gambling debts. Worse still he had used the company computer!
    I begged him to get help, showed his this site…but he just laughed. There was nothing here that could help him…he claimed!! I had kept calm through this trying to be supportive as he seemed to want to stop for good.
    His moods became worse and I just felt helpless…that was only a couple of weeks ago.
    All things came to a head when I found he hadn’t even stopped using the poker site…still on the company computer.
    So Monday past I left..packed the car sent my daughter to live with her father until I could find us somewhere to stay.
    As I drove out his Mother was parked round the corner just waiting to take over the enabling where I left off.
    I returned to the house to collect my furniture (almost everything in the house belonged to me…but I did leave him the bed and cooker!)to find she had bought everything she could fit in her car for him, filled the cupboards with food and no doubt handing out the money again to help him. It was almost like he’d had it all planned!
    What on earth can I do??? …just leave them to it…I cannot do any more.
    Tonight I sit alone but relieved …why did I allow him to nearly bring me down with him? It’s down to love ..and I still do and desperately feel sorry for him, but there comes a point you cannot do any more.
    I will still never know how much he has gambled over the last few months, so many lies I would never know what to believe.
    I have rented a small place but it’s only for a few months…but it’s a start and my daughter will be here soon and my eldest daughter also.
    I will never really be alone because I believe in God and I am very lucky to have my family close by.
    Sorry I couldn’t give you a happy ending for my CG …I really wish I could!
    But saying that he did text me last night to say he’d gone to his first GA meeting and was sorry….maybe there’s a glimmer of hope????
    To every new person on this site…..welcome ! You will get all the support you need and many new friends along the way.
    Love Jenny xx

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