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Some friendly advice needed!

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  • #2662

    Hi everyone, I’m new to this so forgive me if I waffle a bit!
    I’m Sunny – a username picked to go with my usual disposition. I’ve been with my partner for just over 10 years and we’ve just had the best four weeks of our life so far (so I thought), after going on a lovely romantic break, me getting a promotion, having savings in the bank for the first time AND getting engaged!
    It seemed we were due some good luck after all the up’s and downs we’ve had over the years – with the main ‘down’ being the discovery my partner had a gambling addition. As I’d been with my partner for 7 years when finding this out, it totally crushed me and left us in an extemely bad financial situation – to the point where we went from comfortable living, to not being able to afford to eat and get to work.
    It’s taken every bit of energy and love I have for him to get us back on our feet again as well as committing to help pay off a huge debt over 5 years (2 more to go)!
    My partner hasn’t gambled now for two years, and I’ve been so pround of him – until I opened our bank statement this afternoon. I found over £1000 worth of payments to online poker/casino sites, which he made only a couple of weeks after proposing to me. I feel totally distroyed all over again – especially at what should be the happiest time of our lives…planning our wedding day.
    I don’t know what to do, think or say to him as at this point he has no idea I know about this. I will be stong and confront him when he comes home this evening, but I’m devastated that all the trust we’d built up again has come crashing down around me. I feel so angry and stupid.
    We have a close circle of friends who we love dearly and good families, but I’ve always promised my partner I’d never talk about this with anyone as I know they would unfairly judge him – like I did at first.
    I really want to help him and I love him so much – but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this all over again. I was naive to think this would go away in time and to believe he hadn’t felt the need or want to  gamble in a long, long time.
    …This with the fact that things were finally going right for us just makes it all the harder to take this time around….

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