28 April 2011 at 11:14 am #2582monesueParticipant
Hi, 3 months ago I learned that I was living with a CG. Huge debt that I knew nothing about that had been going on most of our relationship. I now have control of all of our finances and all bank accounts and credit cards which are slowly being paid off. We have decided to try to make our relationship work and he is working extra hours to help pay back the debt. There was talk of him going to work offshore but as it turns out I’m pregnant (with twins would you believe) We’re both in shock.
I’ve returned here because I’m worried. I’m worried for several reasons. I don’t think he’s gambling mostly because he has no access to money but I am worried that he still seems lacklustre, like he doesn’t really see the point in anything. He does seem excited at the prospect of the babies but i suppose I’m worried that he won’t be able to deal with the responsibility of 2 babies. I also feel that he’s in denial about how difficult it will be to give up gambling. He says he can just stop. However, I offered him his bank card back so he could pay for his petrol and go to the shops and get milk bread etc on way home from work and said that the only money in the account would be the mortgage money and utility bills and petrol money and some extra so that he didn’t have to come to me constantly and so he could feel a bit more responsible. He declined this offer which makes me feel like he can’t trust himself to have the card. I’m glad that he sees that he can’t be in charge of a card but why isn’t he able to say that he’s worried that he’ll do it again? Is he depressed? He’s also not keen on the GA meetings. He’s been going but I feel only for appearances. I don’t think he’s getting anything out of them. He went to a one on one meeting with a counsellor but has never made a follow up appointment.
I’m just worried. I feel like I am lost with how to deal with him. He says all the right things yet I don’t feel like we’re really making progress and moving forward. How do I help him/us to move forward? Does he need more time? Do I let him stop going to the meetings (I can’t force him-right?) Do i suggest couples counselling (he has never been a great communicator) This is all so confusing. Still!
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