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too young to have to deal with this..

Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family too young to have to deal with this..

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  • #2212
    onemorebook
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    Hi there,
    I found this forum while trying to find something to help the sinking feeling in my stomach.
    I am 21, I go to university full time as well as work 60 hrs a week, and try to go out of my way for people through volunteer work and other community activities, no matter how busy and burnt out I may be.
    So you could guess my surprise when I found someone who figured me out right away, took the time to work into my life and who I see my future building with.
    My boyfriend is 25 years old and has a gambling addiction. It started 5 years ago when his friends decided to take up the game of poker. It got to a point where he was lying to his family, spending everything he owned and even living in a shelter on the other side of the country for a few months. When he got to his lowest he admitted to his friends and family what was going on and, admitting he had a problem began going to gamblers anonymous. He went 3 days a week for a year, after have no craving and urge to continue in his ways he stopped attending.
    We met 2 years ago, and he was honest about his past to me right from the get go- I respected him for telling me right away, and I respected him even more for being able to fight his demons and go this long without relapse, I always say ” at least you when through it when you were young, and didn’t loose your family over it.”
    We have been living together for the past 5 months, and everything has been perfect in my la la land, that is until we went to Las Vegas for a sports competition he was competing in ( note in here that he has been to Vegas 6 times before this with his father and has never had any urges). He came back to the room one night at 4am on the 3rd night we were there, me sensing something was wrong right away, I asked him how much he lost. He gambled away $1000 we didn’t have (we are on a students income), promised it has been his first slip ever and that the pressure at work was getting to him, that he just wanted to win some money to pay for my school. We talked it out and he promised when we returned home he would start up GA again, and that it was apparent that he would have to go to it for the rest of his life to be able to keep his addiction at bay.
    Having absolutely no experience with gamblers, I was happy with what we concluded, and felt good about it when we arrived home. We were home for two days when I came up behind him when he was on the computer to let him know dinner was ready to see him playing poker. Trying to hide it he said he just can’t help it and that the cravings were too raw and hard. After a lot of digging he also admitted to having played in 4 tournaments before we went to Vegas, and having lost over $500 in those.
    I was heartbroken (still am really) at the flat out lies he told me the first time I caught him. This happened on a Tuesday . Our GA meetings are on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays. He promised he would stop on Thursday and start up meetings twice a week, and that he would just use the $100 he had on the site, and if he looses it stops but if not he plays until Thursday. Trying to compromise I thought this was a good idea, trying not to push him, and agreed. Thursday comes around and he announces he needs more time and will start meetings on Tuesday, still apparently using that same $100.
    Well, it is officially Tuesday, and in 15hrs is the GA meeting. I am terrified that he is going to put it off again, and that he is going to lie about it. ( especially because I know for a fact he is lying and has put more money into the website).
    I know gambling is an addiction, and I understand that an addiction is a disease but it is so hard to see it that way when someone has lied to you in the only instance that have ever broken your trust.
    I honestly don’t know where to go from here, especially if he doesn’t go to the meeting tonight. I would just give the ultimatum that I’ll leave if he doesn’t , but the rest of our relationship works so well, he makes me so happy and I feel like I can’t give up on him because I know how strong he is.
    Am I crazy? I am too young to be having to deal with this?you are so much sunshine to the square inch

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