12 May 2011 at 7:34 pm #2571twilight16Participant
My cg father called me yesterday after a two year estrangement.
I was at work and didn’t even hear my cell phone ring. When I eventually saw his number and voicemail I started to feel my temperature rise and took at seat. My head started to hurt and I felt faint. It was surreal.
I listened to the message and he basically said that he missed me and the girls and promises to be a better father. I called him back. My voice was broken as we spoke, our conservation was short due to being at work but I felt like I needed the conversation to be short. I did say, "If you are still gambling I can’t go through this again." He says, "No I am over it." I told him I would call him Thursday because I was busy. However I am not so sure.
I just got off the phone with him and we have agreed to meet at a public spot tomorrow with my daughters. I just don’t feel comfortable having him over the house yet. However, to my disappointment I heard his gambling girlfiend in the background as he was talking to me. Hearing her voice gave me a sick feeling. I then told him again, "I just want you know I have no money to help you with anything." He said, "No, no. I don’t need anything." I am skeptical now knowing he is still with her. She is a casino fien.
So we will see. I have mixed emotions because I do love my father but the facts still remain. I now understand the addiction and have seperated it from him but I will not excuse him of it either. If he is gambling be it, but I will not help him ever if he falls like he did before because of it.
I am nervous about what will happen tomorrow. I don’t rehash the past but I am not sure what to say either? If he starts with a sorry story about how he needs help I will be disappointed. I am hoping for the best but I have this sour stomach feeling to.
Any suggestions for me before tomorrow would be appreciated.
Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)6 June 2011 at 12:20 pm #2572velvetModerator
I feel compelled to write to you having just read another of your posts supporting a CG – something I think you would never have envisaged yourself doing at the beginning
You have come so far since you first alighted in F&F. You are a Twilight star, shedding light into dark corners on this forum. The voice of a child of a CG is a voice that is seldom heard. So many children cannot give voice or put their message across but you do it for them. In my opinion it should cause us all to pause awhile and think.
V18 December 2013 at 2:46 pm #2573velvetModerator
I know the thread I have dragged up is ancient but I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts. You have done so much for so many on this site and I know we will hear from you again.
I send you my hope that this Christmas will bring you, your daughters, your mum and your husband happiness. I also hope that your father will have peace in his heart. He fought a losing battle for so long, he must be weary.
As Ever Twilight
V23 December 2013 at 1:51 pm #2574jenny46Participant
Thank you for your reply it is good to hear from you. Yes all hormones on the rampage in my house !! except mine of course.
I think about you often and will always wish you the very best. I am particularly interested in how the speed walking progressed, did it ever break into a run ?
I would love to hear all about how life is treating you these days.
All the very best to you and your family
Jenny x23 December 2013 at 2:02 pm #2575twilight16Participant
Yes, that post was ancient and reading it again, just gave me goosebumps. How grateful I am that I am not in that situation anymore, that I have my life again. It is hard to even imagine where I would be if I had done nothing, if I had continued to allow the addiction to call the shots.
This year was very much a blessed year. Many good things happened and I feel myself grow and grow into the person I believe I was meant to be. Many relationships were rekindled because I wasn’t half-hearted into them like before; not sidetracked by my father and worries of his wellbeing.
I appreciate the little things more than ever and just having a relaxing afternoon with my mother is really a gift. I just love her so. My girls are growing up and they do press the issues at time, but I am good with boundaries now and they know I mean what I say. Yet, I am always telling them how much I love them and they do the same.
Saw Dad over Thanksgiving and just last week. He is doing well and is beyond thrilled that I come to see him. He always has to make it a point to tell everyone that I am his daughter, even though he announces this each time I go visit. He actually will say at the top of his lungs, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce my daughter…” I just wave at everyone and they smile. It is really sweet. I have come to know some of the residents. They too tell me that my father is telling them stories about me when I was a child.
We have conversations that really pull at my heart strings, these moments we have together are treasures, mostly in the garden. There are many times when I just look at him feeling utter emotional thinking how far he has come. He is not a slave to his addiction. He is not running all over town looking for money to gamble and people are not looking for him. I can’t help but think, if I hadn’t done the things that I did, both our lives would be worst off.
Either way I am thankful for everyone’s support here as it is what helped me gain strength and has become a springboard to my live. The baby steps I took led to giant steps and that led to my complete recovery.
MERRY CHRISTMAS VELVET & FAMILY!!
Twilight23 December 2013 at 2:12 pm #2576ellParticipant
So nice to read your update . I can feel your freedom , i can feel your wisdom , i can feel that from all your bad experience and pain you had you are now a very good-nice and powerfull woman .
You are an inspiration twilight .
Merry Christmas Twilight to you and your family
Love ell2 January 2014 at 10:27 pm #2577madge456Participant
How lovely to read your Xmas post – so happy for you that YOU are happy and have come so far. And such an inspiration for us folks still in the “weeds” , hoping, praying, one day, to bush whack our way out of the mess we are in. How hopeful to read (at least for you) it was possible.
Sometimes (ok, almost all the time) I cry, sob and wonder how anything in my life can possibly turn around the amount that I need it to – like 360 degrees – its seems insurmountable – Yes, I have come far -so far- but still, how can what needs to happen happen so that all will be well? I am not sure, but I can see by reading your story and seeing your success it is possible.
Thank you for the light…I will try and follow it…
Enjoy this new year…
M3 January 2014 at 5:32 pm #2578moniqueParticipant
Just wanted to say it was such a joy to read your lovely message. I know you have been through a huge amount of pain and anguish, but it is wonderful that you have real peace and contentment in your life now. And I can feel how different your father is! From where I am with my cg, I could even envy you! But I want to thank you for this inspiring post, which will encourage us all here.
Best wishes as we start a new year.
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