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What comes next?

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    Hello everyone,
    My other half  has made a positive decision to address his gambling. He has self excluded, got blocks on the phone, installing betfilter and is seeing a counsellor. This was a decision that appeared to come from nowhere after years of many words!
    My thoughts are how do I go forward from here with supporting him. He has come back from the counsellor and is absolutely exhausted and in his words feels s~~t – I am assuming this is as a result of alot of looking at himself. I am trying to say the right things to show him how proud I am of him but do not want to go over the top. I dont want to act as if what he has done is nothing but then do not want to go over the top like when you praise a potty training child!!
    Also any ideas on rebuilding trust would be gratefully received.
    B x


    ***** wonderful people,
    I didnt realise I hadnt updated for such a long time and found myself on page 5!! All is still going well in the Buckle household, living with a gamble free husband.
    Unfortunately his mother has had a C diagnosis and although he was staying back here with me more and more this has made him realise that she too ***** space having her treatment and here he is!!! He has been staying there midweek as he has been a regular at GA and this is more local to his mothers and also when he has been playing darts although the last couple of weeks he has been coming home, albeit past my bed time and I have to admit to going to the station to collect him in my jim jams being the classy wife I am!! He is a loving, funny person with a wicked sense of humour which was masked by the gambling sooo much. He is enjoying life….
    I had entered a 100km walk in May but unfortunately my walking buddy is now not able to do it and I have roped him into doing this with me so there may be a divorce in June for other reasons other than gambling!!!! He is taking the training schedule more seriously than I was and he has now come up with a plan. I have to say my stomach sank when he said those words as he had loads of "plans" previously linked to bizarre money ideas. He is talking about forfeiting the GA until the walk as the schedule says we have to train Tues, Wed and Thurs, so he is thinking that WE(yes together!) undertake training together that night inthe form of badminton. ( The kids are out Wed night so I also do not need to worry about them) I already do boot camp on a Tuesday and Thursday. He has said that GA lately has p’d him off a bit as his focus is now totally elsewhere, ie his mum, and gambling is the last thing on his mind and, get this, listening to people who dont want to change and are playing lip service, is not his concern at present. A bit selfish of him as he was helped immensely. Exercise does help him keep his focus and work off his woes, especially with work stresses. He knows he can always meet his mentor and he is in regular contact with a couple in the group. Life is never straight forward is it!!!
    Take care

    looby loo

    Hi Buckle
    Life certainly is not and never will be straightforward, but life certainly has moved on for you.  Firstly, let me say I am sorry to hear about CG’s mums diagnosis and secondly, let me say, how pleased I am to hear he is ‘enjoying life’. 
    The training for the walk sounds harsh – hope it all goes well for you both, he certainly sounds determined……..
    It is funny to hear him say how he is fed up with members at his GA ‘paying lip service’ lol
    Lovely to see an update from you xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo


    Hi Buckle
    I think it is fairly common for CGs in recovery go through patches of being fed up with others who appear not to want to change or won’t change BUT I hope he doesn’t abandon his GA group altogether.   I have heard many CGs say this and ‘some’ have come of the rails later as a result of not having that solid base to re-affirm their determination. Keep a beady eye on him and perhaps suggest he does a couple of night between now and May or perhaps posts to Gamcare – he can do that anytime. 
    I found it really hard to think that my CG had to go the rest of his life tuning into his recovery support every week but it isn’t really that tough.   Having been through rehab he doesn’t go to GA regularly but he does use support often.  F&F can and should move on once recovery is under the proverbial belt but F&F do not own an addiction – it is not the same for the CG.   Colin in Brum’s thread ‘Anniversary’ that has been brought up to the top of My Journal recently is a good reminder, if one is needed, that the CG recovery ***** constant overhaul and re-affirmation.  
    I have worked out that 100k must be about 60 miles as my favourite running distance is 10k so I know that is 6 miles. 60 miles is a heck of a distance.   I have only ever managed 30 miles in one day although there was a bit of climbing involved.   I wish you both well. 
    I am sorry to hear about his mum but glad that you are getting your man back more.
    speak soon


    Hi Buckle.  I am Debbie and I am a compulsive gambler.  I just wanted to let you know that if not for the support I have received here, through GA and personal counselling I would not be in the solid recovery I am now.  Life has thrown me many curves over the past year, especially over the past few months and only that support has gotten me through.  Even thought I am not gambling now I will not let my guard down and will not stop my weekly counselling sessions or the posting here.  If I become complacent then it could be my downfall, addiction is not a curable disease, it is for a lifetime.   Please tell your husband to continue what has been working for him, it is worth it.  Debbie

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